2017
PREMIER LEAGUE
Round 2 v. Bayswater
Bayswater (4) defeated TOPSA (1)
Best: T.McKinnon, B. Smart, L.Carvell
Goals: Damo Anderson
After collecting two of every animal and stuffing them in a giant boat, the TOPSA Water Polo team set sail on a 150-day voyage to the great Mountains of Ararat. Sailing is pretty dull though, so we were quickly bored and settled instead for a 45-minute voyage up the ultra-famous shipping route “Mountain Hwy via Eastlink”.
Noah…er…Smarty went forth to toss the coin on our behalf, but it sunk below 300 cubits of water so we had no idea who had won the toss. Luckily Noah spotted a red-bellied black bird with a worm in its talons to the north – a sure sign of the direction of the promised land. And so, with that otherwise embarrassing complication of which way to kick first promptly resolved, we got cracking.
Matt “intelligent carpet solutions” Smart found himself in the thick of the action early, combining well with Luke “too fresh for a nickname” Carvell. Bayswater’s pressure was excellent though and once again we struggled to compose ourselves over the ball. We fought hard for a time, but the rising time overwhelmed us; a slick sequence of passes and a nice finish put us 1-0 down.
Bin “intelligent waste-disposal solutions” Smart worked his way into the match. You can’t deny class and here it showed. Sometimes with two or three stuck close he used some good (franken)sense to hold the infidels at bay and find a set of feet. For the rest of us – it’s a great example of how we want to play.
Nonetheless, the tide kept rising. Todd – who’s output is inversely proportional to the intensity of the UV index – was dominating at right-back, but he had a heap of work to do. So did the rest of the four-horsemen at the back and at the break we were down two apocalypses to nil.
Things changed dramatically in the second half. Where before we spent the ball too early and kicked long too often, now we controlled the ball and played it off intelligently. “Bailing bucket” Bailey warmed into the game after being switched to centre-midfield and Symo – who was hitherto quiet – found space out on the right.
We earned ourselves a corner. Damo – who fittingly looks like Jesus – stood forth and pronounced “stand aside lesser beings, I shall part these seas and goals shall be aplenty!” Those boundary-side were decidedly unsure of these wild proclamations, but were soon shown to be tyrannous heretics. The ball bounced between many infidels and then awkwardly of Jesus’s shoulder to find its way to the back of the net.
This divine intervention lasted all of about 30 seconds though as we leaked two very soft goals in junk time to go down 4-1. We’re starting to gel, but will have to wait two weeks for the next chance. No match during Damo’s resurrection weekend.
Round 1 v. Seaford
Seaford (1) drew TOPSA (1)
Best: B.Smart, L.Brownlee, M.Smart
Goal: B.Smart
Matt Smart is a true pillar of TOPSA. Five years as Vice-President. Founding member. Best-and-fairest winner. Quintessential clubman with strong binge-drinking credentials on away trips (except for a very premature exit Phillip Island 2015). And, now this great man of TOPSA – some would even call him The Gandhi of Bayside – has taken on yet another esteemed role: Captain-Coach of this revered club.
His parents must be so proud.
On return to Smart Family HQ last week after a brutal set of practice matches with an undermanned squad in searing heat, the great man Gandhi laboriously trudged through the front door to be met by proud parents, keen for news of the day.
“Ah! Matt! What was the score?”
“Two-one, we won”
“Ah, great! How did your brother Ben play? Was your brother Ben best on ground? Did your brother Ben score?”
Anyway, this week, it was time yet again for Gandhi to fearlessly lead the TOPSA battalion into battle. After the coin-toss, we started slowly. Maybe it was early season nerves, but we didn’t hold the ball well at feet and spent it too early on the counter; kicking long too often. This changed though when Gandhi did well defensively and held the ball at feet to give us a bit of composure. As is now the case often, his passes flow as sweetly as spring water fresh from the Ganges.
No-one boundary-side noticed though… all eyes were on Matt’s brother Ben. Discussions were intense. “Is Ben playing well?” “Has Ben scored?” “Matt Smart? I didn’t know Ben had a brother…”
The match proceeded like a giant seesaw, swinging wildly from end-to-end. We had a few excellent chances and so did they. Unfortunately for us, they made one of theirs count and going in to half-time, we trailed 1-0.
At the break we spoke about how well Ben Smart was playing. Boy-o-boy he was playing well we said. Did you know Ben once scored 10 goals in an EPL match while playing as a goalie? He parents were so proud.
After the break we dominated the match. Ben’s brother Matt and Matt’s brother Ben were both playing well. So was “Joeys” Brownlee, fresh from a merciless slaughter of a defenceless marsupial’s mother. Now we went forward with skill and purpose and continually cracked Seaford’s wearied defence. Shots peppered the goal-face, but we just couldn’t quite make one count.
At the final blow of our Confucian Referee’s whistle, the score-board read 1-1. On balance, we were the better team and there was some frustration that we couldn’t bleat the words to the song post-match. But then we made another observation: Seaford won the league last year, and as our perennial Kryptonite, this was an excellent start to a long season.
Then attention turned to who was best-on-ground. Ben was very good. So was Matt. Politically though, it’s best not to pick one or the other. After all, there’s no such thing as favourites. Best out of Matt or Ben?… Louis Brownlee.
Bayswater (4) defeated TOPSA (1)
Best: T.McKinnon, B. Smart, L.Carvell
Goals: Damo Anderson
After collecting two of every animal and stuffing them in a giant boat, the TOPSA Water Polo team set sail on a 150-day voyage to the great Mountains of Ararat. Sailing is pretty dull though, so we were quickly bored and settled instead for a 45-minute voyage up the ultra-famous shipping route “Mountain Hwy via Eastlink”.
Noah…er…Smarty went forth to toss the coin on our behalf, but it sunk below 300 cubits of water so we had no idea who had won the toss. Luckily Noah spotted a red-bellied black bird with a worm in its talons to the north – a sure sign of the direction of the promised land. And so, with that otherwise embarrassing complication of which way to kick first promptly resolved, we got cracking.
Matt “intelligent carpet solutions” Smart found himself in the thick of the action early, combining well with Luke “too fresh for a nickname” Carvell. Bayswater’s pressure was excellent though and once again we struggled to compose ourselves over the ball. We fought hard for a time, but the rising time overwhelmed us; a slick sequence of passes and a nice finish put us 1-0 down.
Bin “intelligent waste-disposal solutions” Smart worked his way into the match. You can’t deny class and here it showed. Sometimes with two or three stuck close he used some good (franken)sense to hold the infidels at bay and find a set of feet. For the rest of us – it’s a great example of how we want to play.
Nonetheless, the tide kept rising. Todd – who’s output is inversely proportional to the intensity of the UV index – was dominating at right-back, but he had a heap of work to do. So did the rest of the four-horsemen at the back and at the break we were down two apocalypses to nil.
Things changed dramatically in the second half. Where before we spent the ball too early and kicked long too often, now we controlled the ball and played it off intelligently. “Bailing bucket” Bailey warmed into the game after being switched to centre-midfield and Symo – who was hitherto quiet – found space out on the right.
We earned ourselves a corner. Damo – who fittingly looks like Jesus – stood forth and pronounced “stand aside lesser beings, I shall part these seas and goals shall be aplenty!” Those boundary-side were decidedly unsure of these wild proclamations, but were soon shown to be tyrannous heretics. The ball bounced between many infidels and then awkwardly of Jesus’s shoulder to find its way to the back of the net.
This divine intervention lasted all of about 30 seconds though as we leaked two very soft goals in junk time to go down 4-1. We’re starting to gel, but will have to wait two weeks for the next chance. No match during Damo’s resurrection weekend.
Round 1 v. Seaford
Seaford (1) drew TOPSA (1)
Best: B.Smart, L.Brownlee, M.Smart
Goal: B.Smart
Matt Smart is a true pillar of TOPSA. Five years as Vice-President. Founding member. Best-and-fairest winner. Quintessential clubman with strong binge-drinking credentials on away trips (except for a very premature exit Phillip Island 2015). And, now this great man of TOPSA – some would even call him The Gandhi of Bayside – has taken on yet another esteemed role: Captain-Coach of this revered club.
His parents must be so proud.
On return to Smart Family HQ last week after a brutal set of practice matches with an undermanned squad in searing heat, the great man Gandhi laboriously trudged through the front door to be met by proud parents, keen for news of the day.
“Ah! Matt! What was the score?”
“Two-one, we won”
“Ah, great! How did your brother Ben play? Was your brother Ben best on ground? Did your brother Ben score?”
Anyway, this week, it was time yet again for Gandhi to fearlessly lead the TOPSA battalion into battle. After the coin-toss, we started slowly. Maybe it was early season nerves, but we didn’t hold the ball well at feet and spent it too early on the counter; kicking long too often. This changed though when Gandhi did well defensively and held the ball at feet to give us a bit of composure. As is now the case often, his passes flow as sweetly as spring water fresh from the Ganges.
No-one boundary-side noticed though… all eyes were on Matt’s brother Ben. Discussions were intense. “Is Ben playing well?” “Has Ben scored?” “Matt Smart? I didn’t know Ben had a brother…”
The match proceeded like a giant seesaw, swinging wildly from end-to-end. We had a few excellent chances and so did they. Unfortunately for us, they made one of theirs count and going in to half-time, we trailed 1-0.
At the break we spoke about how well Ben Smart was playing. Boy-o-boy he was playing well we said. Did you know Ben once scored 10 goals in an EPL match while playing as a goalie? He parents were so proud.
After the break we dominated the match. Ben’s brother Matt and Matt’s brother Ben were both playing well. So was “Joeys” Brownlee, fresh from a merciless slaughter of a defenceless marsupial’s mother. Now we went forward with skill and purpose and continually cracked Seaford’s wearied defence. Shots peppered the goal-face, but we just couldn’t quite make one count.
At the final blow of our Confucian Referee’s whistle, the score-board read 1-1. On balance, we were the better team and there was some frustration that we couldn’t bleat the words to the song post-match. But then we made another observation: Seaford won the league last year, and as our perennial Kryptonite, this was an excellent start to a long season.
Then attention turned to who was best-on-ground. Ben was very good. So was Matt. Politically though, it’s best not to pick one or the other. After all, there’s no such thing as favourites. Best out of Matt or Ben?… Louis Brownlee.
